Forgiving someone of wrong doing is hard enough. But what do you do when someone is not talking to you, cutting you off, and not speaking to you about what has upset them? They say you did it, and you apologized, but they continue to not hear you, or speak to you. Or, they accuse you of something you have no idea about what they could be referring to, and yet you still apologize even though you have done nothing wrong. In essence, even though you have forgiven them, and tried countless times to get them to speak to you directly, sending nothing but love, light, and good thoughts only to be rejected. Reb Shlomo Carlebach says they are in fact holding their neshama (spiritual soul) and your neshama captive by this refusal to speak. This is spiritual of course, and can be damaging.

You are feeling the after effects of their anger, and you want your neshama released, and because they chose to not openly speak face to face, or very least by telephone call, to have reconciliation, then you have to do something to release your neshama from their damaging anger that can spiritually hurt you. 

One way is to give tzedakah in their honor. Another is, through positive thoughts and deep prayer, lift that person up out of their anger.  Lift them to success, see them releasing and letting go. When you do this, you are released, lifted up, to excel to your highest potential. Do not give them power anymore by worry. Do not give them power by holding onto this kind of worry. You did your part. Let go and let live. Let go so you and they can live.

Meditation and Prayer exercise:

Before starting pick your favorite 3 aromas. It can be essential oils, or herbs, etc.

1 aroma to represent positive energy

1 aroma to represent G-d’s love of you

1 aroma to represent closure- reconciliation


Breathe in Reyach (smell)  Breathe out Ruach (breath)

Take the aroma for positive energy and pull it close to your heart. Close your eyes, all around you can see the negative energy and positive energy. Now breath in and smell (Reyach) deeply. Next, release that smell through your breath, through the Ruach, breathe it out slowly and see it dispersing the negative energy out, see it all leaving your body, mind, and heart. Visualize it leaving the room, going out the windows, out the doors. Repeat until all the negative energy is gone. Once all you see is the positive energy, open your eyes.

 Take the aroma representing G-d’s love for you. Pull it close to your heart and close your eyes. Breathe in deeply and smell the aroma of G-d’s love. Breathe out slowly and repeat as you feel G-d’s love envelope you. Once you are ready, begin your prayer. (You can open your eyes if you wish.) 

Pray for it to be G-d’s will that forgiveness will be received, and in turn that person will forgive you, and if they are wrong, will apologize to you. 


Atah Khazak  (say 3x)
אתה חזק
You (G-d) are strong

Yeheh Ratzon Ki Ha’kadosh Baruch Hu Yish’m’reni ve’yekhuneini.
יהא רצון כי הקדוש ברוך הוא ישמרני ויחונני
May the Holy One Blessed Be He (G-d) Keep Me and Be Gracious unto me.

Mechol Li (say 3x)
מחל לי
Forgive me

The last Aroma represents closure. Take it, close your eyes and smell it deeply (reyach). Feel the closure and feel the peace within. Breathe out slowly (ruach) this aroma represents reconciliation.

Now open your eyes and feel the release and the peace of G-d’s love within you swirling. When you begin to feel the worry and the heartache of that pain comes back up just simply pick up this aroma and smell it to remind yourself it has been healed and closed already. Sometimes we forget and we must train our minds and hearts to forgive and let live (let go).

Forgiveness is that beautiful fragrance when a flower or herb is being crushed. When it is crushed it releases a beautiful fragrance that is then released into the world.

May you have an easy fast and find only forgiveness and reconcilation. May you be inscribed in the book for a good and happy long life. May we all have a beautiful pleasing aroma to G-d. May his sweet love and Aroma be released upon us all and make a better world for one another.

Gmar chasima tova!

Love, Rivka

Scriptures to study: Deut 10:16 Circumcise therefore the arlat (foreskin) of your lev (heart), and be no more stiffnecked. Lev 19:17 Thou shalt not hate thy brother (or sister) in thine lev (heart); thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor, and not bear chet  (sin) because of him (or her).




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